Dear Anxiety, I am still standing

Dear Anxiety,

it has been a while since you've decided to be by my side in my journey through life, I thought it was about time that I actually talked to you. It's not like I haven't acknowledged your presence before...But I definitely have never spoken directly to you.

Anyway, here we are...so

'Hello'

You know you I am, I suppose and I know who you are (kind of). So I think I'll start off with our relationship. You've always been in my life, you're in everyone life, but at the beginning, you were just your normal self...you were the butterflies in my stomach when I saw a cute guy, the void in my belly before an important test or exam, the excitement and fear before stepping on stage or the sleepless night before a new trip. You were the look on my parents' faces when I disappointed them, the worry I felt when I knew I had done something wrong. You were there when I had too many things to do and too little time or when I felt that I was losing control over things. 

Back then, however, you were just a moment, just a second, just a day. And then it all got better, and then I was just me again. I was safe and happy. And everything was going to be ok. You were a good thing, you warned me when something was important and I had to pay attention or give my all. You were....a friend if I'm allowed to say that. 

What I didn't understand is that you spot people. You spot people that are weak or when they are weak and you enter into action: you get into their brains and you make them believe all sorts of things....like the fact they'll never make it, they'll never be good enough, they have never been good enough, it was all a lie, are they even worth loving? should they even be alive? 

I realized that you spotted me. Alone. Crying for no reason in my room. Scared. 

And you saw an opportunity. And you grabbed it. 

And it was then that I started to have the thoughts...and I was scared, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to stop them. I didn't know if they were mine or not. I didn't know if they were true.

Since then, you've always been by my side, always looking for the good time to strike, for the ways in which you could make me suffer.

At the beginning I hated you. I didn't want you to be there, I wanted you to go. I wanted things to go back to normal. 

Over time I realized that things never will. Because you will never leave. You'll be just a whisper in the good days, a bad thought in the back of my mind I can through away; and then you'll be a black hole in the bad days, hugging me with your deadly arms and swallowing me inside the darkness. 

You will not go away.

So after hate and denial and running away, it came fighting. If I couldn't make you go away, I could at least try to fight you, defeat you, destroy you. I tried every method... yoga, meditation, breathing, not getting into bad situations, closing myself in my room to avoid arguments, listing what could go wrong in situations so I could be prepared for it....

But nothing really worked. I mean it worked at the moment, it worked for a while...but then when I couldn't control things when something suddenly came up that I didn't foresee...I shattered into a thousand pieces all over again.

I lost my battle, again.

It was then when I was getting better, but I didn't quite find a way to live life and have fun without the fear of you ruining the party, that I took a risk. I gambled. 

Since I came back from the USA I always knew I wanted to go on Erasmus (exchange program sponsored by the EU for college students of Member States). But then you came along and everything got complicated so I didn't know if going was the right thing...but then a friend of mine told me 'What if this helps you? What if you get better?'

It had been a while since I thought about the best possible scenario, instead of the worst. And those words hit me like they really reached inside of me, the arrived where even you will never get...into my heart. 

This is how the best four months of my life started, this past Semester has been amazing, and it looked like I finally got rid of you. I was finally able to dream and move on, and think about the future, instead of concentrating on how to get out of bed in the morning. 

Then bad things happened, not bad bad things, just unexpected things. And….here we go again: you were there stronger than ever, more powerful than ever. And it was then that I realized what the Erasmus really taught me. What the exchange in the USA had tried to teach me, but I was not ready to learn it. 

You will not go away. 

Even in the perfect life of perfectly happy and normal people, you’re always there. And you will strike when people are weak and lonely and when they need help. You will crash them, destroy them, you will tell them exactly all the things you know will hurt them. 

And you will be able to do this because you feed on their fears, their insecurities, their worries. You feed on mine too. 

This is why in Erasmus it was better because I always did something in my day: I cooked for my self, I went to class, I met new amazing and inspiring people from all over the world, I explored a new part of the city and I learned a new word in Hungarian. And on the weekends? I traveled, I have been to 4 countries while here…it has been an amazing journey. 

And my life will be too. 

Yes, you’ll be there, every step of the way, but I’ll be there too: the silly, interesting, caring, generous person I know I am. I will be there. And I will do my best to outnumber you. And I will do my best to be there also in the calm, quiet and relaxing days, the days in which I don’t feel like doing much, the days in which you tell me I am not ‘useful’. I’ll do my best to be there in the bad days when something goes wrong or there is an emergency and I have to step in and do my best to survive through the day. 

I will have bad days, you’ll make sure of it. But, I promise you, I will always have amazingly great days too. And this, this is what you will never be able to take away from me.

I hope my letter finds you well and I wish you a very good day and I know you’ve been busy during the holidays, so If you want to take a vacation you can go, we’ll be fine here.

We’ll be just fine.

Sincerely,

Ari

ITA Blog #10- UPDATE: I made a difference....and so can you!!

I made a difference!!

It’s here! This weekend when I got home in Ravenna I found on my desk a special package…

It was my purchase from 4 Ocean!!

The package contained:

·      a postcard with some information on the organization

·      A sticker with the ‘4Ocean’ logo

·      A small card which thanked you for your purchase and for helping the ocean

·      A cute little bag and inside…..the bracelet!

 

 I love it very much…it looks very fashionable and I love the colours…but what I love more is that every time I’m going to look down at my wrist I’ll be thinking about the good action I did helping to clean the ocean…and maybe I’ll pay more attention to how I recycle and to how much trash I consume…it’ll be like a gentle daily reminder!

My sister and I with our new 4ocean bracelets!!

 Today I made a small (yet important) difference in cleaning our oceans and bettering our planet....and so can you!!

Have a great week,

Fennec Fox

ITA Blog #9- 'How can I help?'

Ryan Eggold is Max Goodwin on the series

  ‘How can I help?’.

This is the first thing that Max Goodwin, the new medical director of NewAmsterdam, asks on his first day. And it’s amazing how many lifes he actually changes and improves by listening at the practical suggestions the different doctors have.

 

‘New Amsterdam’ is a new medical drama aired on NBC last autumn (the last episods of season one are actually airing right now). And yeah it’s ANOTHER medical drama. But, this one is different. I’m not saying there is no heartbreaking patient story and miracle doctor action that saves everyone, but what I’m saying is that is not just that.

The main cast of New Amsterdam in their scrubs

First of all this one is inspired by a book: Twelve Patients: Life and Death at Bellevue Hospital by Eric Manheimer. So there is a precise storyline and deep 360° characters with good and bad sides, just like any human being.

Secondly it has Max. Max is the symbol of hope: he bursts into the hospital and into the life of the doctors there like a tornado, he pushes them to make changes and make them now, he reminds them that their job is to HELP safe the patient’s life, not to have higher paychecks or to get more visibility with a hard case. They are just there to help.

And aren’t we all? Here to help I mean. We have this amazing opportunity of being here on Earth and of sharing our ideas and aspirations with others, connecting with them on so many different levels. Inspire and be inspired. Teach and learn. In an endless cycle.

But we are missing on all of these because we don’t pay attention. We’re too busy, too focused on ‘our lives’, our small and individual everyday experience, that we can’t see others: their problems, their necessities, not even the help they might be trying to give us.

We’re all rushing through life in search of a deeper meaning when, often, this meaning is just in front of us.

Everyone of us should look for its way to help others, to be part of the community, to fill fulfilled in it…this is what happiness is. To be truly happy we should stop thinking about us or our problems all the time, and start asking others….

‘How can I help?’

A simple, straight foward question, that might just change our lives.

Listen to your kid: watch with him Frozen for the 1000th time, help her build the new block castel, read a book together. Listen to your parents: maybe they just need a new pillow or a new grammar program to write their work stuff more easily. Listen to your friends, your relatives, maybe even to strangers….and you will start making a difference (in your life and in that of others).

So if any of you out there is in a bad moment, of even if is not and it’s the best time of your life, or if your life has been a bit busy lately…

‘How can I help?’

Thanks for reading,

I’m always here if you need me

Fennec Fox

P.S.: For anyone of you out there who also feels like making a difference and helping others I will try to put some suggestions at the end of my posts from now on. So how can you help?

BUY a 4ocean BRACELET!!

What is 4Ocean?

The story begins when Alex and Andrew take a surf trip...

to Bali Indonesia that would inevitably change their lives and the fate of the ocean. Devastated by the amount of plastic in the ocean, they set out to find out why no one was doing anything about it. One afternoon they came across an old fishing village where fishermen were literally pushing their boat through piles of plastic that had washed up on shore. The two surfers realized that the proliferation of plastic threatened both the ocean environment and the fishermen's livelihood. Could the fishermen use their nets, they wondered, to pull the plastic from the ocean? This idea stuck with the 2 surfers and they knew it was time to hit the drawing board. 

 

After realizing that the demand for seafood was driving the fishermen to focus on fish instead of plastic, they knew they had to create something that could fund the desired cleanup efforts. This is how the 4ocean Bracelet was born.

Made with recycled materials, every bracelet purchased funds the removal of 1 pound of trash from the ocean and coastlines. In less than 2 years, 4ocean has removed 3.507.216 pounds (and counting) of trash from the ocean and coastlines.

4ocean currently operates out of multiple countries and employs over 150 people worldwide.

  

Why buy a bracelet?

 Pull the next pound!! 

Each bracelet puerchase will remove one pound of trash from the ocean and costlines.

Buying one you'll be helping improve the environment and preserve our beutiful Earth...plus they are sooooo cute!! I bought one for me and my sister and I'll post pictures when they get shipped home!!

They have new special bracelets each month, for different endangered species, and many other items you can purchase to help the cause (SHOP: https://4ocean.com/collections/all-products)

The OCEAN needs us…let’s go!!

For more information visit: 4ocean STORY 4ocean WEBSITE

Thank you so much for making it this far in the post, I’m so excited for what we can all do tegether if we start changing the world around us one step at the time.

Love you all <3

ITA Blog #8- What do you want for your Birthday?

'What do you want for your birthday? What present do you want? What can I get you?'

'Could you get me a new book?' this was my answer for every birthday/Christmas/end of school/religious holiday... I wanted more stories...I wanted to visit and discover new places, I wanted to make new friends and follow them in crazy adventures, I wanted to understand and be understood, I wanted to stay up all night because what we were doing was too important to stop (I mean... between sleeping and saving the world...definitely saving the world!)....
I was hungry of knowledge and of learning and books were the best way to do it...my escape from reality without ever leaving the room, my safe place.

'Could you get me a new book?'. After a while they got bored of getting me books. 'You don't need a new one, you already have a lot of them!" Pointless to say that I had already read them ALL, so I did need a new one...they would never understand. And so by the end of Middle School I starting receiving 'cool' clothes, bracelets and even a phone (which I didn't use until the first year of High School, 'cause I didn't need it)...all things that I dind't really like or use. They were just sitting in my wardrobe looking useless.

'Could you get me this thing I really need?' or 'Thanks, but I don't really need anything. You can make me something with your hands (diary, photo things, gift card, cake) and just show up at my party, this is going to be the best gift!"
When I got old enough to be consinderd worth of listening I decided that things had to CHANGE. What is the point of getting me things I don't need or I won't use? You waste money and I waste space...it's even disrespectful for those who can't afford to buy those things and would die to have them (this is why I ended up donating most of my 'unwanted' gifts). So this became my new answer: if I needed something I would ask for that specific thing. Otherwise, I would just ask people to show up at my birthday party with maybe a cake or a gift card.

'If you really want to give me a gift you could give some money to a charity or use them to do something that will make you happy'
By the end of high school I got to the point in which I really didn't need anything for my birthday, so I started to use 'my gift' to better the life of other people, which is our aim in life. We are here to life the fullest life possible, sharing what we have we others, trying to understand the other, to accpet him...this our purpose. When we have everything we could ask for in life and even more, we have a 'duty' to give what we can to others less fortunate.
The gift I was most proud of was my 18th birthday:  I was able to raise 100 euros (I know it's not a lot, but all of my friends were still high schoolers, so that' s all they had) for a local association 'Impronte di vita', which works is strict relationship with an association in Columbia to better the life of refugee there (there was a really bad civil war so many people had to leave their homes). I felt that I was actually making a difference in the world with my actions.

Saturday will be my 20th birthday...'wow it's a big date! you're fully an adult now! It's the first 2 decades...feeling ols yet (very much ahaah)?! You have to do a huge party! What are you getting? You should ask for a pretty big present'

Well, this past year has been a huge mess. I have lost many people that I thought were friend, I saw them and my family (especially the adults in my family) for what they really are, humans, with all their flaws, so I learned I can't pretend them to understand everything.
I lost my balance. The one for which I fought very hard, the one for which I travelled to the other side of the world to find. I lost 'control' over my life. I almost lost 'control' over my own mind.
So, nah... I don't really feel like thowing a big party. I feel like having a nice, quite, simple day with people that really care about me. I feel like doing something that makes me feel good.

And nope, I don't need a huge present either. But yes, I want something for this birthday. 

'What can I get you for your birthday?'
You could listen more to people. Don't judge, suggest, find a solution. Just LISTEN.
Try to understand what they NEED. Not what you would need in that situation or what you think they need. Don't try to understand what they're going through. You probably CAN'T. Try to accept them. As they are. With their flaws and their problems.

 Just LISTEN. All they need is not to fell ALONE. Is to feel loved, no matter how meesd up they are, no matter how bad they screw up. They need to feel you are there for them. They don't need you to tell them, they need you to show them.

Just LISTEN. You might save a life.

Thanks for reading,

Love you all

 

Fennec Fox

ITA Blog #7- Some family time!

OHANA means FAMILY....

and FAMILY means no one gets left behind or forgotten..

Lilo &Stich

Hey people! 

How are you? I know it's been a while since my last post, I'm sorry...I've just been crazy busy with life, you know. 

I had an exam session in the middle of March and then it was Easter, with all the family things to do, and then classes started again (yeeey...) so, yeah, no much free time lately. 

Anyway, after a very loooong winter, it seems like spring is actually arriving! I really hope so, because I love seeing the nature starting to grow again: all the green little leaves, all the amazing and colorful flowers...They kind of grow everywere, so it looks a bit like your town is been taken over by nature...and that's great! 

So, other than enjoying the weather, I've also really enjoyed celebrating Easter this year. 

In Italy every festivity is not only a religious or a 'national' festivity, it's also an excuse to spend some time with your family. Indeed, even if you're not very religious (as my family and I), there are still a lot of traditions that the family follows every year during the festivity. 

We all meet for lunch. And whith all, I mean EVERYONE: my close family (mom, dad, my sister and I), my cousins' family (my aunt, my uncle, my consins), my other cousin's family (my aunt, my uncle, if he's not working, and my little cousin), my aunt Anna and my grandparents (all four of them). Then, sometimes, there are also my cousins's grandmother and other relatives. So yeah, a big family reunion. (and we don't even have such a big family, some people, especially in the South of Italy, have much bigger families because they keep in touch with all the cousins and relatives they have).

My FAMILY!!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, the luch. Ok, so forget any possible idea you can have of lunch (if you're not italian of course), and try to imagine this: we arrive at the place of the lunch (usually held in the biggest house, in my case, my cousins's house) at about noon, bringing a dish that we cooked the day before (or in the morning), but not any dish, the dish that we agreed we would make. I

explain my self better, this lunches are pretty important, so they require a lot of organization and usually the different courses are so many that the 'cooking work' as to be divided among the different relatives (even if my aunt Anna and my grandma usually do more than the others, they just really love cooking).

So we get there with our dish and we start chatting with everyone (we haven't seen each other in a while, especially me, since I stay in Venice most of the time now) and at the same time we help whoever needs help ahah. And then,  finally, it's lunch time!! 

We sit down at the huge table at the centre of the room  (it's probably 1.00 or 1.30 p.m. by now) and we start the lunch. In my family we usually don't have appetizers, but we have a couple of first course (different types of pasta, like lasagne, ravioli,ect.), then the second course, for Easter usually lamb and vegetables, and then deserts and fruits, after this for the adults there is cofee and grappa. 

Ravioli: some with butter and some with meatsauce (ragù)

Lasagne

Lamb (second course)

Vegetables: peppers, eggplants, zucchini

Deserts! Tiramisù, pastiera (Easter cake) and others

 

 The thing is, between one course and the other a lot of time goes by, so that we can chat, take family pictures,....start digesting the food ahaha. So, yeah it usually lasts until 4.00/4.30 pm, then the granparents and the little cousins usually go home (they are pretty tired by now) and the rest starts cleaning and putting things back into place. Then we go for a walk or we watch a movie together. 

Giulia (cousin), Eleonora (sister), me, Marco (cousin) at the beach for a walk, after the Easter lunch

 It's a really magical day that you get to spend with your family. And this year, I can say that I felt all the magic. It had been a while since I had last seen most of my relatives and I didn't realize just how much I missed them. It was great seeing all of them and getting to spend some time with them too. So, yeah, it truly was a very good day, one of those that I will remember looking back and I'll never be grateful enough for the amazing family that I have: they are always so supportive and ready to help. 

Remeber they are the ones that will always be there for you, no matter what, so be nice with them, even if you don't always get along, because they all love you.

This was a bit different than my usual post, but I just wanted to share this with you,

hope you liked it,

Thanks for reading,

Love, Fennec Fox